There has been at on of online drama going on between Jersey Shore star Jenni “J Woww” Farley and her estranged husband, Roger Matthews.
In the latest turn of events, Roger took to his website this morning to share an open message to Jenni. Here is what he had to say:
A MESSAGE TO JENNI
I am extremely saddened. Saddened, as I lay here next to both of our children that we could not have found a better way to handle our differences. You and your post have made me a monster. I took down my posts which was recommended by both of our councils, yet you leave yours up and bask in your glory of tearing down the father of your children.
You painted me as a woman beater. The facts are these. No one, man or woman, husband or wife has the right to put their hands on each other. I take responsibility for that night in question, and one other night that I can think of that, I pushed you. You edited out your actions and violent behavior prior to me pushing you which I knew you would do. We spent eight years together Jenni. Eight years. Much of it was happy times, and yes some of it we lived a nightmare. You threatened to divorce me almost weekly from the day we were married, and it was I who tried to convince you we were not ready for marriage. In the end, it seems I was right. We both now agree it is over. Let’s start from the time you filed for divorce last September. I asked you at that time (not begged as you claim) to go to counseling because I believed we were salvageable and we owed it to each other and our kids to try one more time and to try another way. Try to learn to communicate better. You agreed. We went from September weekly to counseling until the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and every time we left there no matter how bad it got I kissed you and told you I loved you. The Saturday after Thanksgiving that our friends and family attended with no signs of splitting up we had dinner, and I asked you nicely to put down your phone because Meilani was trying to talk to you. You flipped out on me and told me you couldn’t take it anymore and you were “pushing the divorce through.“ That was the point where I accepted it and knew it was over. Within days you were showing our daughter houses in another county and telling her you guys were moving there and never told me.
I made Arrangments to move out on Jan 1, and you were well aware of this. After I caught wind of the move I asked you about it and you admitted it then told me it was your intention to hold Meilani back from school for a year knowing full well that would give you the time to move and enroll our kids in school up there very much limiting the time I could see and spend with them. You told me in no uncertain terms (which is on tape) that you would “suck my attorneys and me dry in court” if I fought you for custody.
On Wednesday, December 12 our daughter became very ill, and you took her to the pediatrician where I met you. She was diagnosed with type The flu. You told her in my presence that you were making the next two days off work to spend with her (Thurs, Friday) and she was elated. Thursday after I was already at work you called me to say our nanny called out sick. Since I was already at work, I could not leave to come home, but I took the next day off work to take Greyson so that he would not get sick too. Thursday night I bathed the children and got them ready for bed, and I had to leave for a prior obligation to do a podcast which was the same time they go to bed. It was right before I had to leave that you walked into the bedroom and informed me you were now working on Friday and would not be around. I took umbrage to it and said that Meilani would be very disappointed because she was excited that you were going to be with her. That’s where the nightmare began. You immediately became enraged and started cursing and swearing in front of our children and said “Oh I know Roger, I know you think I’m a shitty mom” I tried to converse with you, but you became more enraged and then told our daughter that “I wish I never had kids with your father “ and “Say goodbye to your dad because he is out of here “. That’s the point where I began filming you with my cell phone. The footage I’ve never released nor have I ever released any damaging footage of you because ethically it’s wrong. I took the video to protect my self from your certain claims of abuse and harassment. I knew at this point who I was dealing with. You then began screaming that you were calling the police because my filing you was harassment and illegal. (It is not ) You are the only administrator to the six nest cams in our house as well as the eight cameras outside. What does that mean? That means for the last 5 or 6 years or so since they have been installed, every single disagreement we have had and yes there were a handful of ones that were physical to some degree in nature that you had in your possession, and you could cherry pick and edit them how you see fit, which is what you did in your rant.
Because I had to leave and I was extremely concerned you would make up a story about me to the police if I was not there about doing some harm to you I decided to call them myself and that call can be heard publicly. I was calm and collected. I was urged to wait outside for the officers, and that’s precisely what I did. Two officers showed up and listened to both of our story’s and said it was just a disagreement and for me to go and do my podcast and stay away from each other for the evening. I had to go back inside to get my keys were our daughter and son ran into my arms, and Meilani said: “Daddy Daddy, Mommy said you are having her arrested, bad daddy.” I hysterically cried holding them and tried to explain to Meilani that that wasn’t the case and the men were just here to help mommy and daddy. (This is all on your nest cameras)
At that point, I left to do the podcast which was a good thing as we should not have been around each other at that point anyway. When I returned home at midnight, I went to bed and never saw you or the kids who were in the spare bedroom. At 2 am there was a loud knock at the bedroom door, and I honestly thought it was you. I answered it, and two officers were standing there who you let in our house and told me they had a temporary restraining order for me and I needed to leave with them immediately. I did. Only with the clothes on my back. I was instructed that I could not come back to the house, have any contact with you or my children. The reason that this happened was after I left to do the podcast you called another set of officers to the house and completely changed your story from what you originally stated and flat out lied to gain the upper hand in this situation we are now in. Never once to those set of officers or anyone ever in the history of our relationship have you ever said I am violent in any way. Never! Your claim was that I filmed you (which I did) and that was harassment.
That was the point in time where I made those series of videos because I was so hurt and confused and upset. In hindsight, it was probably not the best thing to do however it did cause you to receive some backlash for keeping my kids form me. On Friday morning when I reached my attorney finally, she told me because it was Friday I would likely not get in front of a judge till Monday so I wouldn’t see my kids for the weekend.
It was at that point I went to the courthouse and filed my own restraining order against you. Our attorneys spoke at in the late afternoon on Friday, and I was granted parenting time for Saturday and Sunday with Greyson because Meilani had the flu.
I had no place to go, so I watched him at a friends house and had to ask their mother to give up her bed for me to sleep. I only had the clothes on my back. It was on this day that surprising to me CPS showed up at my buddy’s house to do an interview with me. I had no idea why they got involved, and I certainly didn’t call them. I know now why they got involved. It’s standard procedure when young children are involved, and both parties have pending DV’s. They could not have been nicer and more accommodating and gave Greyson a quick look over as he played and never took his clothes off. You, however, told ALL of our friends that I called CPS and they came and stripped our kids down naked to examine them. Both of those statements weren’t true and can be confirmed by CPS.
The following Monday I met with my attorneys and Sean the owner of the law firm told me he had a vacant beach house in LBI I could stay at till I got a place cause he felt bad for me. I only ever stayed there four nights with our children. Our attorneys reached a parenting agreement all the way to Jan 7 which was our court date for shared parenting time. It was on December 21 even after we had a parenting time agreement worked out you filed for an emergent hearing and tied to convince a judge I was unfit as a father to see my children at all, and you wanted full custody, and I would not be allowed to see them even on Christmas Day. I was in shock that you would try to prevent a man whom you have always claimed was a great father from seeing his kids at all. The judge denied your request, and we asked for more time since it was not even close to 50/50. You said no and even only allowed me to see my kids on Christmas Day for 4 hours, 4-8 pm. I all but begged you for more time, and you said no. You only had the power to do so because you filed your TRO first. At this point I was still without a home to provide for our children and the only thing you gave me was a small suitcase full of clothes. Every single time I had the children for that month I was not allowed to drive them home, Meilani and Greyson bawled as did I every time I would have to get out of the truck a mile down the road from where I lived for eight years, and my friend would have to drive them home. I did not think I was going to get through that time. It was truly the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had no choice but to watch our kids at other people’s houses until finally, I got my rental property back on Jan 1 where my tenant was able to leave. I had no furniture, no clothes, and no TVs or kids things but I finally had a home, and I had some time with my kids. My attorneys tried in vain to have you AND I dismiss the TROs, but you refused. You tried to turn mine into a FRO for leverage in the custody battle, and it took a judge finally telling your attorney after a month and ridiculous amounts of wasted money that both cases had no validity and were not worthy of being tried as a DV case. Also during this period, you filed another motion to have my attorneys fired and for me to pay your attorney fees which also was denied. Your claims were outrageous and completely false and you both swore under penalty of sanctions and perjury that they were true. You claimed I had secretly met with my attorney in his beach house where I was living, and we had meetings in which CPS was there as well as my kids. Not one ounce of that was true. Not one ounce. That motion was also denied. My attorney and the owner of the house are two completely different people.
So at this point, we were in civil restraints, and some commutation between us transpired over the kids however I just refused to talk about the terms of our case, but I thought we were ok. If we could not communicate when we were together surely, we could never now was my thought process. This clearly pissed you off.
A few weeks later we answered you proposed divorce decree and did not agree to your proposed offer. Mostly the proposed custody. We asked for a 50/50, and you were not willing to give it to us, and that’s when you decided to write your rant that you posted for the world to see and painted me as a monster and an abuser. You released it on your website knowing it would generate massive traffic and used it also as a promotional tool to promote several launches for youtube channels and products also released that day. I’d like to address all the points in that rant now. I wonder why in the eight years together you never once, not once said to me or ANYONE for that matter that I was physically abusive with you in any way. To the contrary, you have bragged to many who’s testimony we have about how you stabbed both of your ex’s. You have punched me in the face you have always been the aggressor. You have told the story to a number of people including a text (which we have ) to your JS cast members about how you through a Yankee candle at me and a vacuum cleaner while I was holding our 6-month-old son in a chair from feet away. I know in your rant you addressed it, but you claim I threw the candle. I threw the candle (with all the glass missing off it ) into the over the kitchen partition (not even close to you ) after it narrowly missed both of our heads and took a huge chunk out of the fireplace right behind my head and smashed into a million pieces. That’s the truth as you are aware and I filmed it and have that footage and more on a Zip drive that I had the presence of mind to save cause I thought this day could come. The other video you posted of me pushing you happened. It certainly did and is regrettable however you leave out the entire beginning and ending where you were the aggressor and the violent one. You are always the aggressor. I want to say right here, and right now that did not give me the right to push you, and for that I am sorry, and I apologized at the time too. In all of our physical altercations over the last eight years which is a handful at best you captured them all on your nest cameras which you have the only access too, and you heavily edit them in your favor to exclude your rage and behavior. I only ever have had my camera phone which I have rarely used but occasionally deemed it necessary. I am not this monster you paint me to be. I repeat you have never once ever conveyed to anyone I was ever physical in any way to you. I’m confident you could find a few people now that will claim you did, but it would be because you asked them to lie for you. No one in our circle EVER heard from you that I was physical with you and it’s because In the two times I can ever remember pushing you in our home (one of which you released to the to the public, heavily edited) you were the aggressor and violent one. There was another incident early in our relationship that played out on Jersey Shore where you got between , and I pushed you out of the way. I will make no excuses. All three of them were wrong, and I could have handled those situations better, but this victim you play is absurd. I even went to counseling for a long time by myself in hopes I could learn how to communicate better and have better control of my emotions. Not because I had violent tendencies.
You claim in your rant that I put our children in harm’s way by filming myself and driving. I was doing 20 miles an hour leaving my buddy’s development, but I will concede that that was not well thought out and I will absolutely refrain from doing that in the future. It’s hypocritical of you however cause you are on the phone constantly while driving and doing your makeup and texting. I’ve seen it many times. So can we agree as parents we will both work on this behavior? That would be nice. Pizza. Our son is not “deathly allergic to pizza or dairy.” It’s merely a recommended diet not even from our actual local pediatrician. It’s from a nutritional doctor in Florida who has seen Greyson one time ever. You regularly give him food off his diet including goats milk daily, Lollypops, French fries and oh yes Pizza and much more. That can be confirmed by other sources. I have always fed Greyson a strict diet and one time when we were in Maine I drove 60 miles to get the ingredients to make him a $98 personal cake because I was taking him to a cousins birthday party where I knew he would want to eat the cake that was there, so I wanted him to have his own. I proudly sent you a picture of this cake and your response as always was condescending in nature, and you told me “You could have just feed him a regular cake.” It hurt my feelings to hear that.
You address your ex in your rant and call him a violent man who almost murdered you and you claim I reached out to him. Quite the contrary. He reached out to me, and we have the actual real evidence, not the police reports that you included which hardly tell the real story. He told me the story of you is chasing him down the street and stabbing him in hand with a Samurai knife then slitting the tires to his car. He was hospitalized and received many stitches. It was at that point you put a restraining order on him as well and claimed self-defense. It is his testimony that he wore a wire on you and you on on tape which was later transcribed to the superior court where you stated all your allegations against him were fabricated. It is also his testimony as well as the discovery that you also wrote a letter to the judge in which you told the court he was not violent or a danger to you. In addition to that, you direct messaged him once in Sept of 2011 and texted him again in October to ask him how he was and that it was your wish to speak to him. He never replied to either, but we have those texts. This is the man who almost killed you, and you are terrified of? What’s most appalling about that is that when you were texting him you and I were living together and you were misrepresenting him to me as a violent,
Violent man that you were happy to be away from. It’s his testimony that you used the falsified restraining order against him as a sword and not a shield as it is intended to be for the sole purpose of him staying with you or you would have him arrested.
It was this ex who reached out to me who encouraged me to contact Tom your ex that you cheated with me on. I had one phone call with Tom that lasted about ten minutes. In that phone call, he told me about the time you stabbed him as well and put him in the hospital. He claims you were always the aggressor and very violent and the only reason he didn’t press charges was because he loved you. He shared a plethora of stories of abuse. Also, it’s his testimony that he fed and watered your dogs and turned the air conditioning up before he dropped off your keys to your best friend Kate after moving out the same day so that she could tend to your dogs. Hardly the story you conveyed on your show. He claims he only took his property. Both are eager to get the truth out there.
You claim I have belittled and disparaged you. If anyone has done that my dear it’s you. You have threaded countless times to move away with our children and leave me behind, you call me faggot on a regular basis and have threatened to divorce me a million times. You know the one thing you have never said about me though. Not one time ? You have never said I’m a bad father, not once. Until now. Until 2 days after we reject your proposed custody offer. Seems peculiar how now I’m this violent abuser after 8 years together where not one soul ever heard that before and I’m a bad father. Seems very odd indeed. It however lines up perfectly with what you did to the two men you dated before me.
Shortly after this Tom and you spoke as well. Whether he was set up or he actually tried to extort you for money we will have to see how that case plays out in court but you tried to wrap me up in that deal too and say I was part of it and I had nothing to do with it.
In your rant you claim to have found multiple arrests which were hid from you. That is so laughable. You went through all my phones and paperwork while I was out of the house over the course of this past 6 weeks or so and what you found was 2 misdemeanor local ordinance charges from Seaside Heights where I was charged with disorderly conduct and I had them expunged. I had them expunged when we were together and you were well aware of it.
The USB that I have of you throwing a vacuum at Greyson and myself and a Yankee candle was never threatened against you to put out publicly. It was always for court purposes for custody if you weren’t reasonable with custody time. I’ve had it for over two years and never done anything with it. You are the one who released it in your rant but not it’s entirety and you lied about the candle saying I threw it at you. I merely tossed the candle part which was all that was left of it after it narrowly missed Greyson’s and my head and smashed into a million pieces. You brought up the married woman that I hung out with well prior to you and I dating and picked a fight with me on that occasion. I sure as hell didn’t, I’m not an idiot. Yes I said some things I shouldn’t have said but nothing gave you the right to put your sons life in jeopardy or mine for that matter. It is no stretch to say he could have been easily killed if either of those objects had hit him in the head. I don’t know why the public gives you a pass for those actions.
You say I disparaged your father. Under your own admission you told me he beat you with brass knuckles when you were a kid and CPS removes you from his care. You also admitted to me that he supplied you with painkillers which early in our relationship you use to crush up and speedball with cocaine. You admitted it. The one time in our 8 years together I broke up with you is because you wouldn’t get help and you were heavily addicted. Your dad and I had worlds about that and it always treated him kindly although certain things he has done seriously bother me. I know see the changes your father has made in his life and I enjoy him. You did end up quitting on your own and I was so proud of you but then about 3 years ago you went out and talked a doctor into prescribing you Adderall which you have been heavily addicted to since. Under your own admission you called me from Miami when you were filming and told me how adversely it was affecting your health and cause your nails to fall off and many other issues. You swore you would quit but you still take it to this day. You were drug tested monthly to make sure nothing else was in your system to get your refills. You failed at least one of those drug screens do to other substances in your system and made some excuse about a toothache and taking pain meds. You routinely smoke your weed pen in the evening even in your bedroom with our daughter in it. You pay our painter in marijuana. I’ve been employed by the same company for 21 years and undergo routine drug ransom testing and never failed one. I have openly admitted to taking steroids in the past but haven’t in years because of the blood issues you know about. You were asked by CPS to take a drug test and you refused cause you went out and bought an at home test and failed it.
I’ve still received almost none of my items back from you but one thing I got was a my gun safe back of which you stole a great deal of my personal property and jewelry out of. I filed a police report which will be dealt with in court.
As far as our son goes we differ on his diagnosis yes. Many people, some of which I cannot name for they are in fear of retaliation from you do not believe he is autistic. That includes some of HIS VERY OWN THERAPISTS. He is an amazing little boy and so high functioning. I do all of his weekend therapy’s with him and our nanny does 90 % of his weekday therapy’s with him not you. You use his “diagnosis “ to push your skin care line and I do not agree that this little boys issues are to be exploited for profit. I believe we can do so much good and help people by sharing our experience and his journey regardless of what he has without exploiting it for personal gain. Up until the point that you had me removed from our marital home Greyson slept with me every single night except for 11 nights in 2 1/2 years. He is my Bubby and we have a very special bond. You destroyed that to use a TRO as leverage for custody. You claim I refused to take our daughter overnight over $20 which is absurd. You actually filed for child support from me ! It’s in your original filing. You make millions of dollars a year. Millions. I make maybe 100,000. We asked for 1% of your income for child support. Everything you say is a lie. I am the one who asked for her overnight and you started to dictate how long I could have her and how much I would have to pay for those hours. I simply stopped texting you back as you are no longer gonna control me. You say I left Greyson’s therapist out in the cold ringing the bell for a half hour. Lies. I installed a new Ring doorbell and the transformer for it in my attic doesn’t have enough voltage to power it. The Therapist didn’t know it and rang it twice and left. It’s was maybe 5 mins not a half hour. Greyson was on my phone so I missed her text and by the time I called her she was too far away to come back. It was no big deal at all.
You now have deliberately used your platform to destroy my life. That’s exactly what you have done. We could have worked for greater good. We could have put our differences aside but now you have forced my hand. Forced me to bring out the truth and pull in outside people many of which I cannot name at this time. I will never stop fighting for my children and I will not have my name tarnished by a habitual offender and abuser of both men and the legal system. I will not stand for it. I am ready for that war and have always put my full faith and trust in the truth. You are not the person you claim to be. How can three men in a row have the exact same experience and you claim all of them are violent and malicious. No one has that bad of luck. No one. You’re a master manipulator who must be stopped. I worry for my kids in your care. I do. You need help. I have the texts of me asking you to get help but you refuse and you blame the world instead . You painted me as an absolute monster and put an ad in there for your attorneys firm. I am a hated man right now and if I read and saw what you put out there, Hell Id probably hate me too but it is the furthest thing from the truth. Your reality world has now made a crossover into our personal lives and this is not a game Jenni. Not a game at all. Two very precious children who we both love very much we have both damaged because of this selfishness. That’s exactly what it is. I’m not a sociopath and I’m man enough to admit that. I’d like to think you could say the same about me in your right state of mind. I’m far from perfect and I own my mistakes. The stress of this whole thing has taken untold damage on my psyche and my body. I’ve lost 15 lbs and now I fear going out in public with my children because of the image you have portrayed of me. My whole life I’ve tried to make good choices to protect my name and my reputation and you in one post with your notoriety took that from me. I will admit as well that my videos I posted were also in poor taste but they aren’t even in the same ballpark or planet as what you have done and done so proud of. I took no pride in mine whatsoever. I was crushed. Absolutely crushed and devastated and I vented on the wrong platform. I admit that. I am sorry for that. I never imagined it would come to this but you cannot continue to get away with this pattern of behavior Jenni. You need to get help if not for yourself for your kids and I intend to get help as well. We can work amicably through the remainder of this for our kids or it can be the living hell that it has been. I would like a retraction to your lies and I think I’ve owned the few truths in it. I spent 8 years with you and I have no regrets because we would not have the children we have if we did not but our journey is over for us. We must now get along for them. I am not a monster. We’ve both embarrassed ourselves out of anger. Let’s stop the madness. Let’s stop the anger. Let’s stop the lies. Let’s work together for our children. Let’s write a book one day on the wrongs we have committed and how we bettered ourselves. At the very least try and be friends. I am sorry for some of the things I have done. I am. I think we are so used to our lives playing out in a public forum we let it get the best of us and we lost sight of what’s best for our children. We can still do a lot of good in the world. I do not hate you. If I can forgive you and you can forgive me certainly the world can try and forgive us. Please let’s stop the madness. Let’s both get help. For our children. We owe them that. I am not an abuser Jenni and you know it. We look like assholes to the world. We are. We are both assholes. Let’s raise our kids better. I want to help you. Please try and help me. We need each other. Not in the way we once did but this madness has to stop. Own your truths as I have owned mine. Work with me and I will work with you. A part of me will always love you. I had to clear my name. I can help you clear yours too. I know all the good things you’ve done in your life as well as knowing the bad. Let’s make the necessary changes for our children. I will if you will. I want you to be happy and I deserve to be happy as well. Happy parents make for happy kids. We owe them this. I be willing to give you a hug at the end of the day today as a truce offering.”
Tell us- what do you think about what Roger said? Let us know in the comments below.
[Image c/o https://www.instagram.com/rogermathewsnj]